


Is It Really You?

by orphan_account



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alana Beck & Connor Murphy Friendship, Alana Beck & Jared Kleinman Friendship, Alana Beck Has ADHD, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Coma, Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy Friendship, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman Friendship, Evan Uses Tree Names As Curse Words, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Good Boyfriend Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Good Boyfriend Jared Kleinman, Happy Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Hurt/Comfort, Jared Calls Evan Acorn, Jared Kleinman Eats Bath Bombs, Jared Kleinman Needs Love, Jared Kleinman Tries, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Being an Asshole, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Is Homophobic, Larry Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Is a Bad Parent, Lesbian Alana Beck, Light Angst, M/M, Medicine, Mentioned Alana Beck, OOC Evan Hansen, Out of Character Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Overdose, Owls, POV Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), POV Evan Hansen, Protective Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Self-Harm, Soulmates, Texting, Veterinarian Margarita "Peggy" Schuyler, Young Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), i wrote this 3 years ago, school shooting mentioned, they save a baby owl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 18:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21378223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: DISCONTINUEDIn this AU when something is written/inflicted on your skin, it appears on your soulmate's body as well.Connor Murphy has been depressed his whole life. From his father being a homophobic asshole to his mother too clingy, there are many reasons why. The only thing that would help him escape from the mental pain he was being put through was pain itself. So, he cuts.He keeps on cutting until one day, a message appears on the back of his right forearm...
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Margarita "Peggy" Schuyler/Jared Klienman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's POV

I walk up to my front door. 

Open, Close. 

"Hey, Connor, can I show you something? C'mere!" My mother says.

I run past her to my room. 

SLAM! 

I lock it behind me. I walk to the shelves by my bed and open a box whilst tapping my hand on my lap. 

Tap, tap. 

I grab the blade inside. Well, I'm sorry once again, soulmate. If you're even out there. I pull up the sleeve of my hoodie and see the previous scars from older days. I press the blade into my skin and drag. I continue doing this, making 7 different scars. Right before I pressed it down one last time, I saw something on the back of my arm in black marker. I put the blade back in the box and pressed a cloth to the wounds. I turned over my arm and read the almost chicken-scratch-like words.

"Why?"

Now, I know it might sound crazy... But his one word changed my life forever. Whether it was for the best or the worst, is beyond me. All I know is that after that one simple question, I stopped for forever.


	2. Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's POV

I put on my regular outfit, a grey long-sleeve shirt underneath a blue and white striped collared shirt, with a pair of light wash blue jeans. My frien- family friend Jared has asked me on numerous occasions why I had begun to wear the grey shirt underneath my usual collared shirt. I just responded with a simple I do not know, a cop-out response.

Once I had finally tugged on my socks and shoes I was out of the door without my mom even noticing. My mother usually works late at night for her job and doesn't get home until very early in the morning. Sometimes she works daytime shifts starting at 7 a.m. and ending at 10 p.m., which then she goes to her classes. Today was one of her 7 to 10 days, and she would be in class until 1 am.

"Hey, dude," Jared said walking up to me in the hallway, I was standing next to my locker.

"Hey..."

"What's up? You seem off."

"Do you believe in the things that people say about soulmates?"

"Of course, who doesn't?"

"Some people. Well, anyway, you know how people say that if your soulmate puts something on their skin then you will get that same thing on your skin?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well, I, uh, just look for yourself," I say, looking from side to side to make sure nobody else was watching then pulling up one of my sleeves to show Jared the scars made by my soulmate.

"Holy shit, dude. Did you do this?"

"No, no no no no no-no-no. It was something that my soulmate has done in the past but it happened a lot more last night..."

"Oh."

"Well, I felt like you should know, since we're, you know, family friends...?"

"Dude, uh, you can just say friends. I have just been teasing you in the past by saying family friends."

"Okay."

BRIINNG-

"Do you want to go show these to the counsellor and tell her what's going on? We both might be able to go home."

"Sure."


	3. Locked Doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's POV

I can't stop thinking about the word written on my arm from my soulmate. Why is this happening to me? I always thought I didn't have a soulmate, silently apologizing just in case I did. 

"Connor! Time for school! Get down here so I can kiss you goodbye~~!" I hear my mother call from the kitchen.

I get up from my bed, lock the door, and go back to laying down. I pull down one of my sleeves to look at the fresh scars from last night. I trace them with my finger, the dried blood scabbing it so I didn't get an infection. Just then there's a knock on my door followed by a jiggling of the handle.

"Connor? Honey, can you come out, please? I don't like worrying," Mom says muffled through the door.

"No," I say, tears pricking my eyes. I blink them away and turn to face away from the door.

"Connor, if this is about your father, I can talk to him," she says, obvious pain in her voice.

I pull down my sleeve and walk over to the door, unlocking it, and cracking it open enough to look her dead in the eyes.

"I'm not going to school. That's the end of this conversation," I say, shutting and locking the door in her face.

I slide my back down the door and listen to her footsteps slowly walking away, tears pricking at my eyes again. This time, I don't blink them away. As the first salty droplet runs down my cheek I begin to think. Why can't I just be normal? Have a normal family, normal friends? Even just one unusual friend would be nice... 

I sigh. This is going to be a long year. 

Ding!

My phone? Who could be texting me? I go over to my bed, wipe my eyes, and read the screen:

You have been invited to join a group chat with 123-456-7890, 696-969-6969, and 098-765-4321. Do you accept?

I select yes, hesitating at first, but my curiosity got the best of me.

420dank - Who all are in this? Why the hell was I even invited?

123-456-7890 - Evan Hansen

696-969-6969 - Naw, dude, he's obviously an acorn. I'm the INSANELY cool Jared Kleinman.

098-765-4321 - I'm Alana!

Create new contact "Acorn" for 123-456-7890?

New contact created.

Create new contact "KinkyBathBomb" for 696-969-6969?

New contact created.

Create new contact "Annoying bitch" for 098-765-4321?

New contact rejected.

Create new contact "Know-It-All" for 098-765-4321?

New contact created.

420dank - Mmkay. Now, why was I added?

Know-It-All - I received your number from Zoe and decided you and Evan would make good acquaintances!

KinkyBathBomb - And Evan doesn't do anything without me.

Acorn - Ssoooo...... Why weren't you at school today, Connor?

KinkyBathBomb - Yeah! Even though Evan and I went home early, we didn't see ya! Your locker is right next to mine so we would have known.

420dank - No reason. Just me alone in my room, with my blades, plotting against everyone.

KinkyBathBombss - ....okaayyy then.

420dank - Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers.

Acorn - That was a little rude...

420dank - Ya wanna go little man?

Acorn - NONONONONO

KinkyBathBomb - As a little person I take offence to this.

Know-It-All - You all seem to be getting along just fine! No need for me anymore!

Know-It-All has left the group.

420dank - Was she born that stupid or was it from being around you guys for so long?

Acorn - It... It might have been from her being around your sister, Connor...

KinkyBathBomb - WOH, IT CAN SAVAGE!

420dank - That's it, I'm comin' for you, little man.

KinkyBathBomb - Nooooo-


	4. Evan; The Body Pillow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's POV

ConnorMurphy - That's it, I'm comin' for you, little man.

NoLonger_JustFamily_Friend - Nooooo-

I throw my phone down on my bed, face down, and hide under my pillow. Is he serious? I think to myself Of course he is! He's Connor. Murphy.

In my pit of fear, I don't hear the sound of my phone vibrating on my bed. Just a minute after, there's a knock on the front door. Oh! Oh, Fern! He's here for me!

I sit up on my bed, just in time for me to hear my phone vibrate once again. I pick it up and unlock it just to find two texts from Jared.

NoLonger_JustFamily_Friend - Ev? Ev, I'm coming over to protect you from the school shooter.

NoLonger_JustFamily_Friend - I'm here, open your front door.

I breathe out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in rejoice. I get up from my bed and walk downstairs to the front door. Once I got to the door I opened it, not having locked it since I got home.

"Evan! Oh my god, you're okay! I was so worried," Jared said, hugging me hard, but not too hard as he knew about the scars all over my body. He let go of me and locked all 7 locks on the door, my mom liked to be safe.

"Um, Jared? Since when did you care about my safety?"

"Since you showed me these!" He says, grabbing my thumb and pulling up my arm.

"Oh."

"Yeah!"

Another knock comes from behind Jared.

"Who could that even b--"

I was cut off by Jared pushing me onto the couch and covering me up with a blanket.

"Ow!" I said, almost simultaneously with a disembodied voice that sounded nothing like Jared.

I hear the sound of the locks opening and the door creaking open a crack, just enough to see who was there, followed by a slam and Jared crying out in pain.

"Ouch! Hey, dude! What was that for?"

"For being a fucking dumbass!"

Connor? What was he doing here?

"Shush! Don't corrupt the precious innocent ears of Evan!"

"Where even is he?" I hear Connor say whilst he closes the door.

"Not telling!" As if on cue, I sneezed. Shit.

I feel the air around me become stiff and musky, a shadow looming over me.

"So, you wouldn't mind if I sat right on top of this Evan-shaped blanket?"

I was almost screaming inside my own head, JARED HURRY UP AND TELL HIM THAT I'M UNDER HERE!

"OKAY OKAY OKAY! HE'S UNDER THAT BLANKET PLEASE DON'T SIT ON HIM, HE MIGHT BREAK!" 

Connor, however, was already too far into sitting down that he couldn't stop. As soon as his body hit my stomach I yelped in pain. One unexpected thing happened, Connor yelped back, standing up and smashing into the carpeted floor on his knees, as he did that I got a pain in my knees as if I had been the one falling to the floor.

I sit up, throwing the blanket off of my self. Quickly getting to my feet, I hold my stomach, feeling as if I am going to barf. Jared runs over to me, picks me up bridal style and lays me down on the couch. 

"I WILL GET YOU BOTH SOME ICE!" He says, running into the kitchen. I put one of my arms on my forehead, feeling faint.

Connor gets up, limping and sits down in the space next to my feet, looking at me as if he had seen a ghost. Jared came running back in with two ice packs, one for my stomach, and one for Connor's. Whilst placing the ice pack on my stomach, Jared quickly pulled down my sleeves and evidently slapped Connor for staring, my cheek also begins to sting. It was then I realized that, in my stupor, both of my sleeves had come to around my elbows, revealing the carvings of words and plain scars that my soulmate had so devilishly proclaimed onto their own body.

"Jared, c-can you go grab some Neosporin and cold rags?" Jared nodded, running upstairs to fulfil my task. I sit up next to Connor, using one hand to hold my ice pack in place, "So... W-Why'd you come here i-in the first place, if not to-to hurt me?"

"I dunno. Just felt like it."

"Oh. Did, uh, d-did you see my-my arms...?"

"Uh, yeah. 'd you do that?"

"Um, no. My-my soulmate did," I say, looking down, tears beginning to form in my eyes

"I do. I mean, I do those things," he said looking me in the eyes, "Can I-can I see 'em again?"

"S-sure," I say, pulling up one of my sleeves to expose seven cuts on their own, fresh from last night, and 3 letters made on different days reading "DIE," and the smudged black marker from the word I had written.

Connor just stared, a bit of recognition in his eyes. Silently, he pulled up his sleeve of an identical arm and showed me. I was dumbfounded, speechless, even. On his arm were seven cuts on their own, seemingly fresh, and 3 letters, obviously made on different days, reading "DIE," and smudged black marker that had never been washed off.

"I-" was all I could say before breaking into tears. Connor grabbed my head, holding me to his chest while I cried.

"EVAN, HOLY SHIT," Jared says, dropping some things on the floor and running over to us, "CONNOR, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!"

"I didn't do anything," Connor said, calm as could be, surprising both of us at his calm nature in this situation.

Jared pushed Connor out of the way and jumped into a space next to me, holding me in his arms as I cried. 

"Shhhh... It's okay... Now, can you tell me what happened?"

I nod and remove Jared's arms from my body. I hold out my arm and gesture for Connor to aswell, he follows suit. I watch Jared go from concerned to surprised to empathetic to angry in just 4 seconds. He stands up, walks over to Connor, whispers something in his ear, smirks, and sits back down. I look at Connor who has a look on his face like he just got hit on by his own sister, confused but also mortified.

"Jared, I know what this looks like... And I have no clue if it's true. It may just be a coincidence, a terrible, horrible coincidence."

Jared then stands back up and grabs Connor's hand. He raises his hand up and smacks it down onto his bare palm, leaving it red. He then proceeds to let go of Connor's hand and grab mine see that my palm is red, and claps his own hands together. 

"Congratulations, Evan!" He says putting his arm around Connor, "It's a boy! I think..."

"Well that has got to be about the best way anyone has ever said it," Connor says.

I just cover my face with my hands in embarrassment.


	5. Soulmates?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's POV

Evan covers his face with both of his hands. I wonder if he heard what Jared had said to me? Jared's voice is still ringing in my head of the 5 words he had said. "Go easy on him, pothead."

I put my hand on Evan's shoulder, "It's okay," I say to Evan, he looks back at me with his hands barely an inch away from his face, red streaks running down his face.

"I'm just gonna go... Stay safe, you two," Jared says, running to the front door and unlocking all 7 locks.

Slam.

"Are you okay, Acorn?" I ask, moving his hands away from his face so they're sitting on his lap.

"Y-Yeah. I just, um, d-don't know what I'm supposed t-to do..."

"Me either, but that's what makes it fun, right?" I say, giving him a small smile.

Evan opens his mouth as if he is about to say something but doesn't. He just turns around and hugs me, crushing my stomach. It may seem like it would hurt, but no pain came. I softly place my arms on his back, a tear rolling down my cheek. What did I do to deserve him?

Evan laughs softly and lets go of me, I remove my arms from him. He sits up and wipes his cheeks with his hands, giggling to himself.

"What's so funny?" I ask

"I could hear your heartbeat," He says, giggling softly afterwards.

"Oh, okay," I say, moving my hand up to touch his cheek.

"Um, w-what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm touching your cheek."

"Well, yeah, I know that, but why are you touching my cheek?"

"Because I want to."

I look Evan in the eye, I could sense him getting more nervous no longer I stared. But, no matter how hard I tried I could not pull my gaze away from him. I found my soulmate, my thoughts begin to repeat, it's really him.

We sit there, staring at each other for what feels like half an hour. As we continue to stare I can feel myself unconsciously moving towards him, he seems to also be doing the same thing.

Just as our faces are barely an inch apart, the front door slams open.

"EVAN HANSEN! TAKE THAT SHIT TO YOUR ROOM, GOD!" His mother yells, blue scrubs drawn onto her body.

"Crap I totally forgot that she stops at the house before going to your classes to change. L-let's just go up to my room so we can get out of her way," I take his hand as he leads me up to his room, this may not be going where I think it's going, but that won't stop me from dreaming.

"So," I say sitting down on his bed, "what was about to happen down there before your mom, um, ruined it?"

"Oh, I think we were about to kiss...?"

"And, would you be totally opposed to continuing what almost happened?"

"I... Do not think I would be."

I scoot over closer to him and put my hand on his knee. I move my other hand up to cup his cheek and begin to move towards his face.

As we are moving closer, I begin to think of all of the bad things that could happen. I set those feelings aside and focus on what is right in front of me, my very own soulmate.

The moment our lips touch, I feel many feelings of bliss and ecstasy. I never thought this would ever be happening to me. Our lips move in perfect harmony together, as if it had been rehearsed many times before. I moved the hand that had been cupping his cheek down to his shoulder and the hand that was on his knee up to around his upper waist and pull him closer to deep into the kiss. I hear a faint sound coming from his lips.

When we pull away for air, our foreheads touch as we gaze into each other's eyes.

"Who would've fuckin' thunk?" Jared's voice says from Evan's open laptop.

"JARED!" Evan yells.


	6. Close-call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's POV

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be the best day that you've had in a while and here's why: because yesterday you found your soulmate. Connor Murphy may be able to help you. He may help you overcome the anxiety.

Sincerely,

Me

"I cannot believe you," I say, grabbing my hair in an attempt to soothe my headache.

"Oh, come on! I've known you since we were kids! How can you expect me to NOT watch?"

"I dunno? Maybe have some respect for my privacy?" I slide down against my locker and put my head in my lap, groaning.

Connor walks up to me, black laptop bag slung over his shoulder.

"You okay?" He asks, sliding down next to me, annoying the girl whose locker is now behind his back.

I groan in response rubbing my temples. Connor opens the bag, fumbles with a pill bottle, then hands 2 pills to me. I take them in my hand.

"What are they?"

"200mg tylenol." 

"Thanks," I say, dry swallowing the pills as I have gotten used to doing.

BRRINNGG

"That's our cue," Connor says standing up, he stretched his arm out towards me.

I grab his hand getting up, my palms beginning to sweat. As soon as I am balanced on the ground I go to subtly let go of his hand, but he won't let me. I look up at him, fear in my eyes as I believe he will believe I am disgusting for the sweat drowning my palms. He just looks back at me with a genuine look in his eye.

"It's fine," He says, walking towards our next class. I walk as well.

It turns out our schedules were the exact same for this year, weird, huh? We arrive at the door and Connor lets go of my hand. We walk in and sit in two open seats in the 2nd to back row.

BRRINNGGG

*time skip bc it's been like 5 years since I dropped out*

"Hey! Lovebirds! Wait up!" Jared says, running up to me and Connor on our way out of school, "You're both coming with me."

Jared grabs our wrists, both of us finching for our own and each other's pain. He walks us about half a mile until we reach a park near the school.

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Oh, I know this place. Hey, 4-eyes, why are we at the Miranda park?"

"Because I have somethin' to show ya!"

Jared lets go of us and motions for us to follow him. We walk along a sunlit plateau devoid of any plant life besides your average dandelion until we reach a 40-foot tall Dogwood tree in full flower.

"Woh," I say, shocked as Dogwoods are not often found around here.

"Yeah, and that's not the cool part, Acorn," Jared says, walking around to the back of it, "This is."

We walk over to behind him to see what he's talking about. I gasp as I see what is there

"Is that..."

"Yeah!"

"A baby owl..."

"I thought you might enjoy it!"

I rush in front of them and bend down slightly so I'm eye-level with the hole in the tree.

"Holy Sakura..."

The bird inside of the tree lays on its side, it's wing broken. It opens its eyes and reveals the piercing yellow surrounding its big pupils. The brown bird, speckled with white dots all over, attempts to stand but falls back down none-the-less.

"It's a burrowing owl."

"I think we should keep it," Jared says, grabbing a box with grass in the bottom of it and holes in the lid out of his backpack.

"Yeah," Connor says.

I grab the box from his hands and carefully pick up and place the small bird inside.

"We should take it to a vet."

"Yeah."

Connor places his hand on my shoulder, startling me, making me almost drop the box.

"Holy fuu-"

I quickly regain my balance and hold the box carefully in my arms

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What can I do for you today?" The lady at the desk asks once we walk up. Her name tag read 'Margarita "Peggy" Schuyler'

I place the box on the counter and open it.

"We found this lil' guy inside of a tree trunk," Jared says knowing my displeasure for speaking to others.

"Well then," she says wide-eyed, "I will contact you when the next available veterinarian is open. May I have one of your phone numbers?"

Jared nods, grabbing one of the vet cards and a pen and writing his number on the back of it.

'696-969-6969 ~Jared K. <3'

He hands it to her with a wink, Connor slaps in on the back of the head. Both Jared and the girl behind the desk flinch.

"Holy shit," Connor says.

I put the lid back on the box and grab it, "I'll leave you to it," I whisper to Jared grabbing Connor's hand with my loose one and walking out.

"Let me walk you home," Connor insists.

"I didn't think y-you had that kind of side to you."

"I surprise a lot of people."

Once we arrive at my house, I fumble to grab my keys to open the door. I end up almost dropping the box once again as soon as my trembling hands grab ahold of the keys.

"Hey, hey, hey. Calm down," Connor says grabbing the box, then set it down next to the door.

I unlock the house and walk in, Connor walking in with the box. I grab the container from him and set it down on a table that sits next to the door, closing and locking all 7 locks.

"Are you okay?" Connor asks, sitting down on the couch, I follow suit.

"Ye-Yeah. I-I just for-forgot to take m-my meds this-this mornin-morning."

"Where are they?"

"In my bed-bedroo-room," Connor stands up and quickly runs up the stairs to my bedroom.

He comes down not even a minute later with the meds and a cup of water.

"Here," he says handing me the pills and the water.

I take them in my shaking hands, throwing the pills to the back of my tongue and chugging the water along with them.

"Tha-thanks."

Connor sits down and holds my hands on my knees. I lean into his chest and begin to cry. Not tears of sadness, tears of happiness.

"Why are you crying?"

"I-I never thought an-any man would ever care for me."

"What about your father?" Connor asks innocently.

"He-He left... When I was- When I was eight ye-years ol-old," I begin to laugh, "I g-got to sit behind the w-wheel... The Fed-Ex tr-truck... It was a REA-REAL LI-LIVE tr-truck in my driveway!"

"Oh, I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's okay."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A knock on the door interrupts the 4th episode of some random telenovela we had been watching. I walk over to the door and unlock it, finding Jared with a familiar brown-haired girl next to him, both had yellow semi-colons on their inner wrist.

"Uhhhh, Jared?"

"Yeah?" He said innocently

"How'd ya get those tattoos?"

"She's 22."

"Oh. Duh."


	7. Father?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor's POV

I wake up on Evan's couch, Evan's sleepy body pressing on my chest. I sigh softly, putting a hand on Evans back, feeling his just go up and then down again due to his breathing at a steady pace. 'What did I ever do to deserve a soulmate such as him?' I wonder.

Evans squirms in his sleep and his eyes jut open, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. He begins to cry.

"Are you okay?" I asked, becoming concerned.

He just puts his head on my chest, I feel the fabric beginning to moisten, his salty tears drenching the top half of my hoodie.

I put my hand on his back, Whispering that it will all be fine, not even knowing what he was so upset about. Everyone, even my own family, thinks I'm just a heartless piece of crap, that I'm just an emotionless husk of a human being. But they don't know me, if they gave me a reason, I would care, but even my own sister doesn't even like me. Sure, I may it act like I hate her but... If she could only see the real me. Even though I've only known that Evan Hansen for a short while, about 2 months one-on-one speaking, he has stolen my heart and I don't know how to get it back. His friend, Jared Kleinman, still doesn't trust me but, I'm fine with that, it doesn't matter what Jared thinks as long as Evan doesn't think badly of me.

I looked down at Evan's brown hair with light blonde highlights, his breathing has slowed down and he had fallen back asleep, and I wonder, I wonder how in the world I got to be here. One day I got super upset over my father's calling of our gay neighbour a faggot, so I began to cut again, right as I was about to make the 8th cut on my arm I found a word on the back of my arm. It was from Evan; my soulmate. Just thinking of how much pain I must have put him through when I was just trying to relieve my own stress, it hurts me. It makes me want to apologize for everything I ever did, even though I know he probably even care. I mean, he probably doesn't care that I was hurting myself and therefore hurting him. In fact, he may be grateful that he didn't have to do it himself. But I don't think that he will want an apology. I don't even think he really cares about me. When I begin to have these sort of thoughts, I normally relieve it by cutting, but now? I don't want to hurt Evan like that. I sigh a breathy sigh not loud enough to wake Evan up. I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep.

Around two hours later I wake back up because of a knock at the door. I tap Evan on the back of his head he hums in response

"There's someone at the door," I say.

Evan sat on my leg and put his feet on the ground rubbing his eyes and standing up walking over to the door and unlocking it. His eyes widen once he sees the person standing at the door. I walk over to him and put my head on his shoulder just to find a man, probably in his forties who looks like an older version of Evan my eyes widen as well

Evan shakily says a response, "Father," he states

"Yes, my son, it is me."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Watch your language, young man"

"You relieved all rights to me, you have no reason to talk to me like that."

"I'll talk to you however the fuck I want to, you are my fucking son."

"Not since you disowned me I'm not. I'll talk to you however I want."

I had never seen this side of Evan, so demanding and careless, you would think seeing his father after around 10 years of not seeing him he would be anxious and wouldn't be able to speak, but no, he seems confident in himself, not fearful at all. He seemed to not even care what he was saying, he was just speaking his mind, I had no clue he could talk like that.

"Is this really how you treat your father after 10 years?" his father says

"Of course it is, especially because you are not my father."

"Yes I am, and you will not speak to me like that."

"Legally? No, you are not. Emotionally? You still aren't! You left me and my mother when I was just eight years old, you have no right to come back into our lives and mess it all up! Me and Mom are doing just fine without you here and will continue to do just fine if you just leave because if you come back, there's going to be hell to pay."

"Young man, you will not talk to me like that. I will not tolerate this bullshit from you-"

"I don't want to hear it, you may be an adult, and I may be supposed to treat all adults with respect, but you are a different case. No, you're not even a different case, you are a basket case! You left me and my mother when I was only eight years old, I was an impressionable young child and you left me and, guess what? I'm doin' just fine! I realize who I was, I found my soulmate and, I did it all without you!"

"Who's your soulmate then? And, who is this guy?"

"This guy's name is Connor Murphy, and he is my soulmate."

"This guy is your soulmate? What are you, some kind of fucking faggot?"

I step in, putting my hand out to keep him away just in case he wanted to pounce.

"I'm going to need you to refrain from saying those derogatory terms towards me and Evan right now, or I will call the police on you."

"And what are you going to tell them? That I hurt your feelings?"

"No, I will tell them that you are harassing us minors and you will be sent to jail, most likely on trial and we have a camera right here recording sound and all video. So if you even try to react with any sort of violent or nonviolent but hateful reaction, it will be caught on camera and you will be prosecuted for it so I suggest that you leave immediately."

He storms off, but not before throwing a piece of paper on the ground. Evan picks it up and opens it and starts to read it aloud.

Dear, my son,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I would just like to say, I never truly gave up all rights to you. I never actually signed the paper. Attached to this paper is the signed document my disownment of you, my only child, well, that's not true actually. You are not my only child as, since I left 10 years ago, I have found my actual soulmate, your mother was not. Your mother was just a fling that ended up turning into what is now a mess or, as she would like to call, her son. Our son, but not anymore. I already sent in the document and it has been processed I just made a copy of it right before I sent it, so I could come over here and give it to you in person languishing all right to you forever. Because, my son or I guess I shouldn't call it you that anymore, I never truly loved you, and I never truly will and, trust me whoever turns out to be your soulmate will never truly love you either, as I do not believe that anyone could ever love a mess, but just say that is all.

Signed,

your used to be,

Father.

Evan gropes the piece of paper, tears forming in his eyes and beginning to pour down his cheeks. He tried to speak more, but couldn't as the tears are running down his face at such a rate that they completely engulf his mouth. I just pulled him into my chest and let him cry, trying to calm him down by showing him and telling him that everything will be alright. I reassure him that I am here and that I will never leave, must any outside forces take us away from such as death or worse.

He drops the pieces of paper on the ground and wraps his arms around me his tears slowly coming to a stop. He lifts his head off of my chest and looks me in the eye, or as much as he could, as he is around 6 to 7 in shorter than me.

"Do you love me?" he asks.

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I love my soulmate?"

He looks up at me his eyes beginning to twinkle a grin forming on his mouth, "Really?" he asks.

"Of course," I reply.

He stands on his tiptoes and holds my head closer down to him, I lean my head down so that we're only an inch apart.

He whispers, "I love you too," and then kisses me the kiss didn't last for long, but it was probably the most passionate moment I have ever experienced in my life.

He bends over and picks up the document that he had dropped, he turns to the next page of the document there were three pages instead of two like the note had inquired.

"Oh," he says, "There's more,"

He hands me the packet of papers, and I look at what is on the second page.

"It's a phone number and email," I say questioning my words, "Wait, there's also a web address. Do you think we should go to it?"

"Worth a shot isn't it?"

Evan runs up to his room and comes down shortly after with the laptop, he has it open and is currently logging into his account and then motions for me to hand him the paper, I follow suit.

He types in the address and then gasps almost dropping the laptop I grabbed it from his hands and look at it it's a simple black website with red text on the screen reading "I'm coming for you" and then there's a white arrow next to it.

"Should we click the arrow?" I asked, he just nods in response.

"It's just a red X," I tell him, sitting down on the couch, "And an arrow."

I click the arrow and gasp, my eyes going straight to the most horrific part of the page, a picture of a little girl laying in a pool of blood.

"I'm not sure I should read this out loud, it's to vial for me, I don't think it will come out of my mouth."

"J-just read it!" he says.

I sigh and begin to read, "You once had a sister, her name was Naomi, she was only 4 years old when you were born. She was so excited to have a little brother, too excited. The moment she saw you in your mother's arms in the hospital, her eyes turned red and I'm not saying this figuratively, the irises of her eyes changed from a beautiful blue-green to vicious crimson; the colour of blood. Your room of birth was on the third story of a Hospital, but the building was located atop a hill, so the otherwise not so long drop went down farther into a chasm. She went over to the window and calmly opened it, sitting on a little bench that was right underneath it, feeling the breeze. Before I could even stand up to stop her, she jumped out, screaming at the top of her lungs, "I hate that baby! I hate him!" and then she was dead at the bottom of a deep ravine."

"Holy shit."

I close the laptop and put it down on the couch, "We'll ask your mother about it when- when she gets home."

Instead of a response, Evan hugs me and begins to cry.

"I-I jus-just don't un-understand why he h-hates me so much..."

"Shhh... It's alright, darling. He won't hurt you. I promise. If he even tries me and Jared will beat 'im up, okay?"

"O-okay..."

Just then, keys jingle in the knob to the door and it opens slightly.

Heidi walks in, covering her eyes, "You guys decent?" She asks, slowly uncovering her eyes, "Okay, good."

She lets out a sigh of relief.

"What're you two doing up so late?"

"Huh? It's only- HOLY FERN-" Evan says, looking at a clock above the fireplace with around 6 pictures of trees on it.

"Oh. It's 10:42," I say casually.

"Whatever. I'm going to go change and go to sleep, have a nice night you two-"

Evan cuts her off, "Hey, mom?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Um... Dad k-kinda stopped by and... left us th-this note and I-I just w-wanted to know if-if it's true," Evan said, picking up the laptop and handing it to her.

She read it and looked sad as she went on.

"Oh, well... I never wanted to tell you, but... Yes. It is true," She whispered the last part, setting the laptop down on the side of the couch.

"Oh..."

I put my arm around Evan, "I think he needs to get some sleep. G'night, Ms Hansen."

"Oh please, call me Heidi."

"'Kay, Double-H"

She giggles and walks into the kitchen.

I look at Evan, "Are you tired?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to sleep?"

"No."

"Do you want to watch trashy TV until we fall asleep?"

"Yeah."

I grab the laptop and head up to Evan's room, him following close behind. We lay down and I log onto Netflix, his password was already saved so it wasn't a hassle. I click on the first option on the "Continue watching for Evan" tab.

Evan lays his head on my shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too."


	8. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's POV

I wake up to Connor sleeping soundly next to me, the laptop having been closed and put on a nightstand next to us, I assume it was my mom since Connor was asleep before me. I look at the clock, 5:58 am. Wow. It's early.

I sit up carefully and grab the laptop, opening it and logging in. I check the calendar, "Monday, February 19th, 2024" it reads.

I groan loudly, making Connor wake up.

"Oops, sorry."

"Nah, it's 'aight," he says, sighing, "It's Monday, isn't it?"

"Yup."

I stand up, grabbing my pills and walking to the bathroom. I take out the ones I need and dry swallow them, hesitating to put the lids back on. I look out the door to Connor who is rubbing his eyes, staring at a wall. Should I? I ask myself. I close the door quietly and pour out around 7 of the anxiety meds. The only side effect is sleep, I tell myself, Worst-case scenario I pass out and hit my head. I cup my hand and fill it with water, throwing the 7 pills into my mouth and washing them down with the water. I immediately begin to feel drowsy.

I open the door and stumble towards Connor, "Kk I gotta get dressed. You fine in those clothes?"

"I never change anyway."

Connor just sits there as I stare at him.

"Uh, can y-you go out there for a minute?"

"Oh, sure," he winks before walking out, "Don't be too long."

"Connor!"

He laughs closing the door. I just sigh and grab another grey long sleeve shirt and blue striped button-up. I undress and put on the clothes. As I put my last leg into the pants I collapse, still conscious, knocking over a lamp.

"Shit," I say, standing up and brushing off, buttoning the pants.

A knock comes to the door, along with with a creak of its opening.

"You okay?" He asks, his eyes widening as he sees the lamp, "Holy- What happened?"

"I-I tripped."

"Okay."

Connor closes the door and continues to allow me to get ready. I finish putting on my shirt and pick up the lamp, placing back on the desk.

"Ready yet?" He asks, opening the door.

"Yeah."

"With every step you take, it hits me in the heart like a wooden stake."

I giggle at the cheesy song. We walk out of the front door when I realize, I didn't write a letter.

I stop in my tracks and Connor looks at me, "Are you... Okay?" He asks.

"I forgot to...." Just then, I pass out.

————————————————————————————

I wake up to a loud beeping noise, and a boy with long hair sitting in a chair, his hair was pulled into a sloppy bun and his head was in his hands. He was crying and singing a song."A-A-Are you.... c-crying?"

He looks up at me, joy filling his eyes, he lunges towards me and hugs me tightly.

"Um, who are you? A-And where am I?"

The man looks at me, stunned.

"I-I... You really don't remember?" He begins to cry again, covering his mouth.

"Jared!" He yells, muffled.

Jared comes running into the room and sees what is happening, "He... woke up?"

The man nods.

"Jared," I say, "Come here."

He walks to me. I whisper in his ear

"Who is this guy and why is he crying?"

"Evan... The doctors said you would have amnesia, but nothing groundbreaking... He... He's Connor Murphy."

"The one who threw the printer at our 2nd-grade teacher?"

"Yeah. He... He's your soulmate."

"What?" I look at Connor, "Is it really you?"

He just nods.

"Oh."

A doctor comes in and opens his eyes wide.

"So, he woke up?"

"Yeah," Jared said, "But he has amnesia."

"Ah, I see."

"He doesn't remember me..." Connor says.

"Well, Mr Murphy, Mr Kleinman, I need to run a few vitals and tests on Evan here," The doctor opens the door, "If you would please step out here for ten minutes, go the cafeteria, or the sitting area."

"Okay."

Jared and Connor step out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"Hello, Evan. I am your doctor, Dr Burr, but, please, call me Aaron," He smiles at me, "It seems that you had passed out and hit your head pretty hard, Mr Murphy brought you in by carrying you in his arms. You were in a coma for 29 days, we were ready to pull the plug. Luckily, there was no external trauma, but, on the other hand, you suffered major trauma to your hippocampus, the main part of the brain that controls memory, and your amygdala, which is used to control emotions. The best diagnosis we can give you at the moment is Retrograde Amnesia, as you can remember Jared, someone you've known since you were 3 years old, but not Connor, someone who you have just recently became engaged with."

"Oh."

"Now, we will be keeping you for the next week or so for observation. You are in stable enough condition to be in public settings, but not for long periods of time because of your Anxiety. We have already spoken to your psychiatrist and mother about upping your dosage of each medicine, along with a few additional medications to help so that you do not lose any more memories, and may help restore some newer ones."

"Okay."

"I shall go get Connor and Jared."

"Wait," I ask, "Can you tell Jared to wait out there, just for a minute?"

"Of course."

Connor walks in and shuts the door, "Hi."

"Hey."

"So," He says sitting on the bed next to me, "About your amnesi-"

I kiss him.

"I don't want to talk about it," I say, "Can we just, I dunno, talk about something else?"

"Yeah, I would like that."

"With every step you take, it hits me in the heart like a wooden stake."

Connor looks at me, stunned.

"I-I heard you singing it when I woke up and... It sort of helped me remember a little bit."

"How so?"

"Well, I began to remember the moment before I passed out into the coma... You were singing that line, weren't you?"

Connor nods and places a hand on my knee, "I could sing the whole song if you would like, you know, to jog your memory?"

"Yeah," I place my hand on his, "I would like that."

Connor takes a deep breath and begins to sing.

I look at him, suddenly remembering the first time I saw his face.

———————————————————

Connor walked down the hallway for the first time since the incident, he had punched a guy in the face. I slapped Jared.

"Dude, what the heck- Ohhhhhh," Jared smirks as Connor walks to his locker, "Hey, Connor. Likin' the new haircut, very school shooter chic, Don't Cha think, Ev?"

Connor looks at me in anticipation for my response.

"I-I, uh... Kind of...?"

Connor just scoffs and flicks me in the forehead.

——————————————————————

I touch his hair, "School shooter chic..."

Connor smiles and kisses me.

Jared walks in with some lady who looked vaguely familiar.

"Oooooo."

"Shut up Jared"

"Who is this?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that," He laughs, "This is Peggy, my soulmate," He holds up their wrists to show two yellow semicolon tattoos.

"how'd you get those?"

"She's 22."

"Oh."

"So, what did you two talk about when we were out there?" Jared raises his eyebrows, signalling the word 'Kinky'

"Oh, uh, n-nothing special..."

"Right," Jared and Peggy sit down on chairs next to the bed, Connor remains seated on the bed.

"S-So what's in that cage?" I say, pointing to a cage that has been hanging on a coat rack in the corner of the room.

"Oh, an owl. We found it about a month ago. We still haven't named it, it's been hectic, y'know?" Jared begins to sweat.

"Hey, Jared?"

"Ya?"

"What day is it?"

"March 20th."

"Shit."

Jared and Connor look at me, surprised. Peggy just giggles and holds Jared's hand.

I look up at a clock that's on a wall, 12:49.

"Hey, why aren't you at school?"

"We haven't gone to school in 29 days," Connor replies.

I hang my head and start to cry.

"Hey, Evan. Don't cry. It's alright. They said to stay with you just in case you woke up. And I kinda told the staff here that I was your brother."

"I-I... I just... You s-shouldn't m-miss sch-school ju-just for me... I-I'm not w-worth th-the tro-trouble... They sh-should've just p-pulled the p-plug... I-If they did I-I wou-wouldn't ha-have to be h-here right n-now..."

Connor pulls me into a tight hug.

"Ev, I love you so much. You showed me that I didn't have to worry about nobody caring for me because you would care for me always. When you were in the coma you were talking in your sleep. You kept saying my name. I love you so much, please don't think like that..."

Jared aww's and Peggy slaps him, they both groan in pain.

I sniffle and hug him back, "I-I... I just... I wish I was dead... I-I..."

Connor shushes me and rubs circles into my back.

"Shh... It's fine. You need your rest. Jared'll stay here with you. I'll go to school if that'll make you happy."

"Okay... B-But why doesn't J-Jared go to s-school?"

"I got suspended for punching a dude in the face. He was sayin' things like "Hey, fag, where's your boyfriend?" So I punched 'im."

"Oh," I say, "Heh."

"Yeah, I gotta get back to my job. It's right across the street, I had Angie take over for me while I came and saw you. She'll be mad if I'm too long because Liza works at the orphanage so she isn't there to help."

"Okay."

Jared kisses Peggy and she walks off. Connor kisses my forehead.

"I'll be back after school."

Connor walks out of the door and begins to walk to the elevator. Jared jumps into my bed next to me.

"Wanna watch Zootopia?"

"Sure."


End file.
